365 People Photos: Number 128 -- A Horse and His Girl

Kirsten and Magic are off to a great start. Today she rode him for the first time since we bought him. God is so very kind!

365 People Photos: Number 121 -- The Best I Could Do

On my last night with Aaron and Anna's family, I was outside toward sunset with their two oldest girls. Brielle asked me to draw a picture of her with sidewalk chalk. I'm afraid my best effort was a bit simplistic. Thankfully, after this moment of contemplation, the 3-year-old was happy with result, although I didn't manage to catch her delight with my camera. God abounds in steadfast love!

365 People Photos: Numbers 118-120 -- Happy Sister

Brielle has been so gentle and loving with her newborn sister. I never would have imagined that a photo shoot with a 3-year-old and a baby who is only 3 days old could be so effortless! I thank God for the opportunity to capture this brand-new sister love!

365 People Photos: Numbers 115-117: Unexpected Treasure

When I packed to come help our oldest daughter with the birth of her third child, I packed a few lightweight scarves. My hope was to have the chance to use them to photograph Anna and Aaron's newborn daughter. This afternoon I dug the scarves our of my suitcase. Baby Jillian was sound asleep and I had my chance to take some photos. As I was photographing the newborn, her oldest sister was playing with one of the scarves. When I glanced over my shoulder, I was stunned by how beautiful the 3-year-old looked draped in pink. I snapped these shots as Brielle danced around the room in a world all her own.

365 People Photos: Number 113 -- So Summer

Evelyn and Brielle playing in their family's driveway this morning as I weeded the front gardens. God is so good to give us the warmth and color of summer! Shorts, sundresses and flipflops. Life just doesn't get much better!

A Joy So Small

Three years ago today I became a grandmother.
Three years ago today I learned that that God is even greater than I had understood Him to be.
Three years ago today I experienced His goodness in a 6 pound, 7 ounce bundle named Brielle.

365 People Photos: Day 56--Chubby Hands

Our daughter, Anna, recently pointed out how she loves Brielle's chubby little hands. Her comment has made me more aware of what it means to be a toddler. Now I, too, am relishing this feature that says, "I'm young...and new at life. I often struggle to get my hands to be able to do what I have seen grown-ups do." This thought leaves me with a good reason to have compassion for my granddaughter if she gets frustrated trying to master her surroundings. May I give her grace as I hold her chubby hand, just as God has given me grace as He has held my hand.

365 People Pictures: Day 42--Just Happy

Some baby photos have the power to evoke an involuntary smile. As I was sorting through photos this morning, I came across this picture of our granddaughter, Brielle, on January 1st this year. Anyone watching me at the coffee shop would have seen a wide grin suddenly cross my face as her smile surprised me. Isn't God good that He wired us to experience joy in response to baby smiles?

When I'm at My Worst...

I memorized Jesus' words in Matthew 11:28-30 a couple of months ago:

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Having my this passage impressed on my heart has given me the chance to mediate on it repeatedly. The Lord has provided many precious insights. This week, however, I had a thought that staggered me.

When I'm "weary and heavy-laden", I am at my worst. If you find me worn and feeling pressured, you'll find a woman who is most likely cranky, self-centered, vulnerable to self-pity, whiny, and bordering on hopelessness. I'm just plain disagreeable. It's ugly!

And yet, it is precisely at these moments ~ when I'm wallowing in sin as I struggle with my circumstances ~ that Jesus invites me to come close!  Jesus is emphatic about His desire to usher me into intimacy with Him when I've sunk to my lowest. I tend to try to avoid people when they're exhausted and overwhelmed. After all, a person like that is most likely going to be needy. But, ~ this is what flabbergasted me ~ that's exactly when our Savior beckons...when we're at our weakest and at the same time...well...kinda repugnant. Isn't that amazing? Isn't Jesus' "Come..." sweeter than ever with that realization? Doesn't the tenderness of the invitation leave you ready to lay your head on His chest as the apostle John did?

I recently ran across the wall hanging I'm holding in the photo. I had planned to hang it on our main floor, but so far it hasn't left our bedroom. Seeing the words first thing in the morning and several times each day has served to remind me of Jesus' insistent-yet-overwhelmingly-compassionate, "Come to Me...". Seeking Him is my only real hope when I'm weary and heavy-laden. When I'm at my worst, He still says, "Come...!"

365 People Pictures: Day 25--He's Got My Back

If I were to title this photo, I would use the popular phrase, "He's Got My Back." I love the wonderful look of security on my granddaughter's face as she stands leaning against her daddy. Doesn't her face say, "Watch out world...here I come!"? Brielle knows her daddy will protect her.

I find it wonderful that we can have this same sense of security if we respond to our Heavenly Father's invitation to come to Him and rest in His shadow. If we allow Him to provide the loving care that He promises over and over in His word, we're then enabled to experience safety, courage and even joy in the tough circumstances that are inevitable in this life. He's got our back!

"On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

We're NOT Hopeless

This morning, I picked up a book on my nightstand preparing to put it away. Before I did, I opened it and saw the quote below. Octavious Winslow's words (written in the 1800s) capture why I named my personal blog A Deep Breath of Hope. I often need the reminder--and perhaps at times my reader do also--if I keep my eyes fixed upwards, I'm need not be hopeless, even when my circumstances would logically overwhelm me.

"My reader, are your circumstances trying? Are your resources depleted?Are clouds gathering? Do you find yourself tempted to to succumb to despondency and despair? There is hope for you in God! All other sources and gleams of hope may have expired, but God is the God of hope, and in His power and love, in His word and faithfulness, you may hope even against hope. Take heart, then, and look up. Never yield to despair while there is hope in God. If things look discouraging, and prospects are gloomy, there is one Being to whose providence you may always turn with the full assurance of hope; in His divine love and infinite resources, you will find compassion, support and help."

Our God, Reformation Heritage Books, pg. 22

Just Can't Help Myself!

I'm oh-so smitten with my new granddaughter! I just can't keep from posting another photo of her, taken last week while she was with us. I love Brielle's seemingly reflective expression in this picture.

What a gift Brielle is! What a joy to be a grandparent! I can't help echoing Nehemiah's sentiment, even though the context is utterly different, "The good hand of my God [is] on me" (Nehemiah 2:8).

However, it isn't just my granddaughter's perfect face (I've warned you that I'm biased) or my new role as a grandparent that are captivating my thoughts. I continue to be delighted that "Brielle" means "God is my strength". I continue to rehearse that TRUTH in my own life. God is my strength. In fact, "The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation" (Psalm 118:14). Never once did He leave me as I trudged through months and months of such debilitating pain that it eventually led us to a surgeon at the Mayo Clinic. He was my strength during that time of suffering. Never once has he given me less than all I need during my ongoing recovery in the three weeks since the surgery. There have been some trying moments and surprising setbacks, but God is my strength. Our growing intimacy as I cry out to Him again and again during this journey is my growing joy.

My granddaughter's name is beautiful. But even more significantly, it's meaning holds a truth that is life giving. God is my strength! I can't wait to share that certainty with Brielle as she grows! God is ready to be her strength. I can't wait to share the great good news of the Gospel with her! She never has to be without enough of His grace and strength to make it through the hardest of times. None of us does. Christ's self-denying sacrifice of His very life to take our rightful punishment before God has seen to that. Jesus has become my salvation. The good hand of my God will always be upon me.

How precious it is that a little face and a pretty name could lead to such soul-refreshing thoughts!

Life's Simple Pleasures

There are few things quite so satisfying in their simplicity as a good yawn. Although new at life, month-old Brielle has already discovered this.

How easy it is to miss the little blessings in life! Even a deep, satisfying yawn is reason to remember the Giver of All Good Gifts (James 1:17) and thank Him. Psalm 145:9 says, "His mercies are over all His works." With grateful hearts, let's be on the alert for the Lord's less obvious--but remarkably tender--touches of love on our lives. I suspect the exercise will encourage us and honor Him!

A Sweet Juxtaposition

Some times a photo requires no explanation or commentary.
I believe this picture of three-day-old Brielle, my first grandchild, is one of those.
Thank You, Lord!

Guilty as Charged!

I mentioned in a recent post on our family blog untohimwelive that I've stumbled upon a book called Voices from the Past that is singing to my heart as I struggle with strong pain while awaiting probable surgery at the Mayo Clinic next week.

Sometimes the words I read in this collection of short reflections by various Puritan authors are purely comforting. Sometimes they are uncomfortably convicting. However, even the convicting passages are like a salve to my soul because the challenge they bring helps realign my thinking to be biblical. Only when we think God's thoughts will we find real peace, strength and comfort. And right now, I need a whole lot of peace, strength and comfort! So bring on the conviction!

Today's passage was one that brought the needed OUCH!

"In our sufferings, we need to be more concerned about our duty than our deliverance. We should seriously consider what it is that God desires in our present dispensation. There is no condition or trial in the world but we have the opportunity to exercise some special grace or duty. To desire deliverance alone is self-love and quite natural to man. In affliction man seeks to be delivered and released from his burden. Men make more haste to get their afflictions removed than to be sanctified in them...Let us search and try our ways, Let us consider that the present condition is best for us, and learn in whatever state we are, to be content (Phil. 4:11). Let us rejoice in tribulation (Rom. 5:3) Let us lift up Jesus Christ and make Him glorious by our afflictions. Paul studied more how to adorn the cross than how to avoid it. If he must suffer for Christ, O that Christ might not suffer by him! May Christ be exalted, and let us entrust our souls to a faithful Creator (1 Peter 4:19)." Thomas Chase, Select Works, A Treatise of Afflictions, pp. 65-67

I have fallen into the trap of wanting nothing more than to be set free from my pain. Author Thomas Chase calls that "self-love." Ouch! And yet when I look back over my thirty plus years of following Christ, one truth stands out. God is good and what He does is good, even when it feels hard. In some way that I cannot see yet, this health problem is for my good. In the midst of the daily misery, I need to look not just for rescue, but I also must be on the alert for my Kingdom work. Right now. Today. In the middle of pain strong enough that I find myself holding my breath to fight it. I don't need to wait until I get to the other side of the pain to serve God and glorify Him. I can do that now. And, whatever today's Kingdom assignment is for me, I know that my beloved King will enable me. He is good and what He does is good, even when His plan includes affliction!

Clinging to my King
Denise

Pulling Out the Sword to Battle Pain

On June 26 I will be seeing a gyn/oncologist at Mayo Clinic. Most likely she will decide that surgery is the best option to bring an end to, or at least reduce, significant chronic pain that has grown in severity and frequency over the past two years or so. The pain is the result of a mass of scar tissue that has knit my female organs to one another and glued them to other organs and to some of the bones in my lower abdomen. If Dr. Bakkum does chose to address my case surgically, the operation will take place the following day, June 27.

We praise God that Mayo has accepted my case. We also thank the Giver of All Good Gifts that I'm being seen so soon following the exploratory surgery I had here in Sioux City a little over two weeks ago. We continue to feel called by the Lord to adopt the four siblings we met at our children's orphanage in late 2010. We pray fervently that long term the treatment at Mayo will be used by the Lord to allow me to parent more actively and fully than I've been able to do for some time.

I hope to write more about this journey the Lord has me on, but right now I sense a pressing need to spend time impressing some of God's word, "the sword of the Spirit" (Ephesians 6:17), on my soul so deeply that the truths live and breath inside me no matter what fear rises in me before the surgery, how strong the post-surgery pain is or how weak I feel for some time after the procedure. One of the verses I'm rehearsing is in the "postcard" above.

Clinging to Him,
Denise

My Help

Fighting Fear

  

Lately I've wavered between joy-producing faith and energy-zapping fear. I'm realizing as I swing between extremes that fear is faith's enemy.

I pulled out a book that's helped me tackle fear in the past. Immediately, I was reminded of some important truths:

"You think about your future and think, 'I couldn't handle that. I'm not strong enough.' But you aren't in that situation yet, so you needn't be afraid because you don't have strength for it. God's not going to give you the strength for a situation until you are in that situation. Instead of fearing the future, trust God for the strength for today. Remember you are not alone. You have incredible resources. The Spirit of power dwells in you.

"The Christian is a person of great strength. The Christian has the power to endure hardship, to stand strong when life is difficult, and to hang on in the midst of great pain.

"Why can Christians stand strong? It is because in and of themselves they are naturally strong people? No! Believers can stand strong because the Spirit within them is so powerful." Wayne Mack, The Fear Factor, pg. 17

Author Mack goes on to urge: "Don't be so eager to stay safe. Make pleasing and glorifying God your top priority regardless of what may come your way." pg. 21

Easter's Implications

Photo Credit: Lissie

Tonight we attended an event at our church. As we sang Andy Cherry's song "Our God's Alive" my heart swelled with both conviction and joy over the implications of the cross. Here are a couple of favorite quotes that I've been ruminating on:

"Each of us rightfully deserves the guilty verdict and divine wrath that Jesus bore in our place on [the] cross. Therefore, when we take the cross seriously, we find our pride, our self-satisfaction, and our smug resentment toward or contempt for others shattered into a thousand pieces." Fitzpatrick and Johnson, Counsel from the Cross, pg. 12

"...the holy sovereign Lord whose authority we have defied and whose glory we have deflected to unworthy rivals was willing to endure the judgement that his own impeccable justice pronounced upon us. The cross declares that we are loved with an intensity that defies our capacity to comprehend, not because we are intrinsically lovable but because God is intrinsically love." Ibid, pg.12

Even When Times are Tough...

The first time I heard this song by Matt Redman on the radio, the DJ pointed out that no matter what's going on in our lives...no matter how difficult things might be, we still have 10,000 reasons to praise God.

On Good Friday that thought is especially poignant as I ruminate on the fact that Jesus died as the result of MY sin, while I was still his enemy (Romans 5:8). What love!

He is worthy of my love. He is worthy of my worship. He is worthy of my very life.