|Aaron in his new role as father|
Today Jim and I will drive to Rochester, Minnesota. Our reason? We're headed to the Mayo Clinic for an appointment first thing tomorrow with a surgeon. As I've mentioned before, my insides are tied up in knots. Over the years unstretchable bands of scar tissue have formed which are attached to organs and bones. The surgeon who did the exploratory surgery said the whole mass is glued (so to speak) to my left abdominal wall. Tomorrow the chronic pain with which I've lived for the past couple of years will be addressed by a gyn/oncologist whose skill in female surgery is renowned. I feel so very blessed to have access to such amazing medical care.
But while I know that I my body will have the best care available, my soul is needy right now. I'm fighting fear. What if my problem can't be solved with surgery? What if I have to live with the powerful pain for the rest of my days here on earth?
Today's entry in Voices from the Past: Puritan Devotional Readings gave me great comfort:
"You, dear Lord, chose me in Christ to be Your child. You have become my most loving Father. Your love and Your Fatherly providence exceeds the love of any earthly father in loving, caring, providing, nurturing, and helping me in all my needs. I should not waver or doubt that that you are my dear Father and I your child forever through Jesus Christ (1 John 4:10). I can cast my whole care upon you, trust and call upon you, with comfort and certain hope for all things that I need. In Your good will, You adopted me, and nothing can be finally lacking for my good. Your power is almighty and Your will so bountiful. How little I love, fear, and call upon You! I should behave as Your child, rejoicing, praising, trusting, fearing, serving, loving, and calling upon You. Be merciful to me, forgive me, good Father, for Your own sake, and grant me the Holy Spirit to reveal Yourself to me, that I may truly know, love, and faithfully hang upon You for all my needs...I come as Your child and desire it unto Your glory!"
So as I finish my packing for our trip to Minnesota, I will cry "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15) and leave my "What ifs?" to Him.