Friday, February 20, 2015

Parenting with the Wrong Heart

O Most Holy Father,

I humble myself at Your feet. I am humbled at the very thought of being allowed into the presence of the Creator of the Universe. I am in awe as I remember that You have told me I am Your chosen. I am beloved by You, made holy by You. (Colossians 3:12)

Despite how low I sense I must go in the presence of my King, there is an irony in my life. I am far too apt to exalt myself when I interact with a certain child in our family. Your word says that "The way of the sensible is to understand his way" (Proverbs 14:8) As I assess my own way, something is clear and something is wrong. Right now I am too likely to be haughty in my thoughts toward this kiddo. I look for the worst in this child and, inevitably, find something with which to find fault. Once I've zeroed in on what I want changed in my child, then I bring a sense of...well...quiet disgust to my words of correction  I can only guess that it must wear heavily to live under a continual cloud of your mother's disapproval.

O, Lord, I beg for Your help. I know this cycle is sin. I am casting Your words behind me rather than living Your way. Lord, I want to truly turn away from looking down on my kiddo. I want to love my child. I want to be downright zealous in my affection for my child. I beg You to help me. I need You, Jesus. I cannot crawl out of this miry pit on my own. I plead for the great grace of repentance. I ask for a broken heart. I implore You to undo what I've become and remake me to be like Your son -- kind, gentle, compassionate, humble. O, Lord, please help me.

"Patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit.
 Do not be eager in your heart to be angry
 for anger resides in the bosom of fools."
~Ecclesiastes 7:8b-9

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