|The gardens of Clivden estate, Buckinghamshire, England--2008|
Lord, lead me away from who I've become. Save my children from what I have done.
I have discipled my children in the wrong thing...a love of the world rather than a love of the Maker of the World. I have modeled pride before these precious gifts from You (Psalm 127)...and then pointed an accusing finger when they demonstrate arrogance. I have been irritated in front of them and then gotten mad when they demonstrate anger.
I am a profoundly proud woman who names the name of Christ and yet depends on self, values self, flaunts self, seeks to protect self. My words and my "walk" do not match. I am a hypocrite. Christ's word for the hypocrite? Some of the strongest He ever spoke, "Woe to you, hypocrite...!" (Matthew 23)
O, Jesus, have mercy on me. I am a sinner. I am desperately wicked and my sin is counter to everything in You that is holy. I need a Saviour. I need a Saviour, Jesus. I need You, Jesus.
I have counted myself worthy. I am not worthy. I am wicked. Only You, Jesus, are worthy. Worthy is the blood of the Lamb who was slain! Worthy is the blood of the Lamb who was slain that my sins might be paid for...a debt I could never repay. Jesus, You are holy. You are mighty. You are meek. You are humble. You are gentle. You are God. You are the only path to redemption.
Please forgive me, Great God. I have stained Your reputation in front of my own children. I have poured sin on Your beauty in front of their very eyes. I am a very broken vessel that has claimed to be the finest of silver. Such sin! Such arrogance. Please forgive me, Lord God Almighty!
You are Truth. You are Good. Only You are Good. I am vile and in love with myself. Please, Lord, slay self in me. Please put self to death and raise up Christ the King in the void. Please slay the Me in me and bring others, especially my own precious children, to Life through Your Son's resurrection from the dead.
You are my God.
You are my King.
You are my Master.
Please, Jesus, lead me away from what I've become. Please, Jesus, unself me and rip from me the cords of the sins I've embraced. Lead me, Jesus, that I might be be transformed into Your image...that I might be a conduit of Your grace in my children's lives. Please, Jesus, lead me...