Life is Too Short for a Spat with My Spouse

The story behind these beautiful photos is here: Life is so short!

Yesterday my husband and I had a fight.

Quite a fight.

We created our own wedded unbliss.

We did eventually reach reconciliation. We forgave. We put the hard words and the unkind insinuations behind us. But the hours it took us to arrive at resolution were gone. Forever.

The source of the quarrel? My pride...his pride...each of us trying to build our own kingdom.

I would have been touched by the story linked above about a beautiful marriage cut short at any reading. But following my folly yesterday, it cut me to the quick. I must not waste my marriage. Every moment the Lord allows me as a wife is precious. Priceless.

My husband and I have had 30 amazing years, and for that blessing I thank God. But good health tomorrow is an unknown.

We don't know when death will part us.

So the next time my pride feels the need to take a stand...the next time I'm determined to prove my rightness, I'm going to choose to lay down arms. I'm going to give in instead of pushing back. I'm going wave the white flag of surrender. Because when we fight, I don't win...even if I win.

I refuse to waste my marriage in a turf war. Life is too short.

(My husband gave his permission to post this.)

What We All Long For...

Our family begins each morning by gathering to read a Psalm. We then read the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds with the date of the month. Thus today we read Proverbs 19 since it is December 19th.

When we get to this particular chapter each month, a little phrase inevitably pricks me:

"What is desirable in a man is his kindness" 

(Proverbs 19:22 NASB)

 

Here's what author John Kitchen has to say in his outstanding commentary Proverbs:

"That which people long to find true in those they associate with is 'kindness.' This translates the rich Hebrew word hesed. The term is descriptive of covenant love and faithfulness. It is a mercy, kindness, love and compassion that flows from an unalterable commitment made to another. It is not hard to see why this is a quality desirable in those with whom one builds relationships. Ultimately, this is God's kind of love for those who trust in Him." (pg. 428)

The reason the words, "What is desirable in a man is his kindness," act as a thorn each month is that I find it all too easy to expect "mercy, love and compassion" from others while being slow to dole out those same expressions of graciousness myself. The worst part is that my own home is where I'm least likely to demonstrate the wonder of the "hesed", dying-to-self love that this proverb promotes. Instead, I'm much more likely to bark out commands to my children as though I am a captain desperately trying to keep my ship afloat.

So as we quickly approach Christmas, I want to remember the babe in the manger. I want to remember the baby who grew into the man who lived love. I want to remember His mercy in my life. His love for this wretched sinner. His compassion when my heart aches or I stumble and hurt. I want to remember that the baby whose birth we celebrate this season is the long-awaited Messiah whose rich "hesed" love resulted in Him hanging from the cross, uttering the words, "Forgive them, Lord" about the very ones who were crucifying Him. I want to remember...

When I keep my Savior's sacrificial love in front of me it is much easier to move through my days seeing my children as treasures to be cherished. I'm much more likely to be a gentle, tender mom who showers kindness on those closest to her. I want to live like Jesus. I want to love like Christ. I want to be kind to all with whom I come in contact, starting with my own children. After all, what is desirable in me is kindness.

365 People Photos: No. 51--20/20 Hindsight

Our family went on a trail ride at the base of the Rockies in western Denver after visiting the kids' grandparents. I rode a 30-year-old steed named Czar that was gentle enough to allow me to take photos as I rode, last in the 11-equine line.

Self-love is the very devil himself in us.

It is the prince of the devils in us.

It is the deepest root

And the ultimate bottom

Of all our sin and all our iniquity.

Thomas Shepherd

O Lord, keep me from self-love! Slay it, please! And fill the chasm that results with Christ.

365 People Photos--No.50: Twins Born 5,103 Miles Apart

Of our 12 children, these two get the most comments that they look alike. Often people even ask if they're twins. These questions and remarks tickle our family because Lissie (left) and Jaynie (right) may be close in age (16 months apart) and height, but that's where the similarities end. After all, the girls were born on different continents to different parents. Perhaps the assertions that the girls must be twins is especially funny to us since Lissie does have a twin--John. People rarely ask Lissie and John the same query she and Russian-born Jaynie get.

It was God's doing that these two look like sisters even though they share no genetic heritage. The wonder of adoption continues to amaze our family each time someone addresses Lissie or Jaynie with the familiar words, "Boy, you and your sister sure do look a lot alike!" When the question inevitably comes when the two girls are together, the rest of us just turn away and exchange knowing smiles. God certainly knew what He was doing when He placed Jaynie in our family!

365 People Pictures--No. 49: A Father's Tender Love

I thank God for my son-in-law's sacrificial love for his daughters. As an adoptive parent, I have a glaringly clear understanding of a child's need for security. Aaron provides that for Brielle Madelyn and Evelyn Rose. Here he is swaddling his littlest wonder on day four of her life.

365 People Pictures: Capturing the Candid--Brielle

The books I've read on photographing children warn of a season when getting a posed grin from a young child will be nearly impossible. The recommendation during this period? That the photographer try instead to capture the essence of the toddler during real-life, unsuspecting moments.

I had one of those unpredictable opportunities with our 14-month-old granddaughter Brielle just days after her little sister Evelyn Rose was born. I was at a giant (and I do meant GIANT) baby superstore with our daughter, Anna, and her husband, Aaron. While Brielle's parents were working through the difficult decision of which double stroller would best suit their growing family, I had the opportunity to study her through my lens as she surveyed this wonderland of brightly-colored baby paraphernalia. The twinkle in her eye and her content smile were pure Brielle! Thank you, Lord!

I haven't been able to decide whether I like the color or black version better. Any votes from my readers?