Lord, Lead Me Away

The gardens of Clivden estate, Buckinghamshire, England--2008 

Lord, lead me away from who I've become. Save my children from what I have done.

I have discipled my children in the wrong thing...a love of the world rather than a love of the Maker of the World. I have modeled pride before these precious gifts from You (Psalm 127)...and then pointed an accusing finger when they demonstrate arrogance. I have been irritated in front of them and then gotten mad when they demonstrate anger.

I am a profoundly proud woman who names the name of Christ and yet depends on self, values self, flaunts self, seeks to protect self. My words and my "walk" do not match. I am a hypocrite. Christ's word for the hypocrite? Some of the strongest He ever spoke, "Woe to you, hypocrite...!" (Matthew 23)

O, Jesus, have mercy on me. I am a sinner. I am desperately wicked and my sin is counter to everything in You that is holy. I need a Saviour. I need a Saviour, Jesus. I need You, Jesus.

I have counted myself worthy. I am not worthy. I am wicked. Only You, Jesus, are worthy. Worthy is the blood of the Lamb who was slain! Worthy is the blood of the Lamb who was slain that my sins might be paid for...a debt I could never repay. Jesus, You are holy. You are mighty. You are meek. You are humble. You are gentle. You are God. You are the only path to redemption.

Please forgive me, Great God. I have stained Your reputation in front of my own children. I have poured sin on Your beauty in front of their very eyes. I am a very broken vessel that has claimed to be the finest of silver. Such sin! Such arrogance. Please forgive me, Lord God Almighty!

You are Truth. You are Good. Only You are Good. I am vile and in love with myself. Please, Lord, slay self in me. Please put self to death and raise up Christ the King in the void. Please slay the Me in me and bring others, especially my own precious children, to Life through Your Son's resurrection from the dead.

You are my God.
You are my King.
You are my Master.

Please, Jesus, lead me away from what I've become. Please, Jesus, unself me and rip from me the cords of the sins I've embraced. Lead me, Jesus, that I might be be transformed into Your image...that I might be a conduit of Your grace in my children's lives. Please, Jesus, lead me...

Pulling Out the Sword to Battle Pain

On June 26 I will be seeing a gyn/oncologist at Mayo Clinic. Most likely she will decide that surgery is the best option to bring an end to, or at least reduce, significant chronic pain that has grown in severity and frequency over the past two years or so. The pain is the result of a mass of scar tissue that has knit my female organs to one another and glued them to other organs and to some of the bones in my lower abdomen. If Dr. Bakkum does chose to address my case surgically, the operation will take place the following day, June 27.

We praise God that Mayo has accepted my case. We also thank the Giver of All Good Gifts that I'm being seen so soon following the exploratory surgery I had here in Sioux City a little over two weeks ago. We continue to feel called by the Lord to adopt the four siblings we met at our children's orphanage in late 2010. We pray fervently that long term the treatment at Mayo will be used by the Lord to allow me to parent more actively and fully than I've been able to do for some time.

I hope to write more about this journey the Lord has me on, but right now I sense a pressing need to spend time impressing some of God's word, "the sword of the Spirit" (Ephesians 6:17), on my soul so deeply that the truths live and breath inside me no matter what fear rises in me before the surgery, how strong the post-surgery pain is or how weak I feel for some time after the procedure. One of the verses I'm rehearsing is in the "postcard" above.

Clinging to Him,
Denise

Pressed and Pursued

"Our praying needs to be pressed and pursued with an energy that never tires, a persistency that will not be denied, and a courage that never fails." E.M. Bounds

He Listens...Always and Forever

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my supplications.

He has inclined His ear to me,

Therefore, I shall call upon Him as long as I live."

Psalm 116:1,2 NASB

Watering and Fertilizing My Faith

As we begin the adoption process yet again, I've been rereading biographies of George Mueller, a man whose faith, devotion to prayer and love of God's Word have deeply impacted me. Mueller's long life covered nearly all of the 1800s. During that time he saw to the care of more than 10,000 orphans in Bristol, England, all without asking for a penny. He took each need to the Lord alone. And His prayer-hearing God met every need. Every single need.

Like George Mueller, we, too, have experienced the Lord's never-ceasing help. In our case, He has shown Himself faithful in all the many ways we have needed Him in order to adopt and then parent older orphans from Russia. With each of our three adoptions of trios of kiddos, He has consistently healed the hearts, minds, and bodies of these formerly broken and hurting children. Even though we have repeatedly experienced His faithfulness, I still find it helpful to be reminded through the stories of Mueller's experiences just how safe it is to count on the Lord for all we need. God is more than able to navigate us through this remarkably complex process, leading us to the blessed outcome of adding four siblings to our family.

The verse above was one of Mueller's favorites.

My Help

A Firm Foundation

My Hope

Project 366 -- Family & Flowers

Days 80 - 90

Our neighborhood's first tulip

Lissie playing with praise team on Easter Sunday

 

Daria (17)

Alexander (12)

Love the reflections of Daria and Amy in this water goblet

Noticed these "birds" of light created by my water goblet on our dining room table

Our beloved Aunt Jean calls these "Daffer-down-dillies"

Ready garage access for the many pairs of shoes used by the 12 in our family

Not How the World Thinks

I don't know about you, but I frequently need the reminder this verse offers.

The world will disappoint.

People will let me down.

But God never betrays. His very nearness is my good.

My Strength

Project 366 -- Tulips to His Glory

Days 76-79

Tulips don't grow especially well in our home town so I was thrilled to see bed upon bed of them when we visited Kansas City this weekend. As always seems to happen when I have the chance to study flowers through a camera lens, my awe for our Creator grows!

Project 366 -- Spring Blossoms at Sunset

Day 73

Project 366 -- Back to Georgia

Day 47

Didn't get the camera out today so I'm going to share some photos I took of the interior of the hotel in which I stayed when attending "Created for Care," a conference for adoptive moms.

Project 366 -- Contrast

Day 41

Both of the photos above are of purple cone flowers. As intriguing as the winter version is, aren't we grateful to God for the beauty of summer's blooms?

Project 366 -- Kitchen Table Science

Day 31

In December, my friend, Sandy, told me what fun it is to grow amaryllis during the holiday season. I picked up three of the bulbs at Target just before Christmas to be our kitchen table center piece. We've sure enjoyed the science of watching them grow! You can see change daily!

They're blooming late for Christmas but just in time for Valentine's Day. These photos were taken with the light from our kitchen window illuminating the flowers from behind.

I don't know about you, but I can't imagine a world without flowers. What an act of love on God's part to give us the gift of their color, variety and intricacy!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."

                                                     Psalm 136:1

Moved by the Wonder of God

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come...Worthy are You our Lord and Our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things and because of Your will they existed, and were created." (Revelation 4:8b,11 NASB)

In Praise of Color

We've had so little snow this winter that our world has been consistently brown. To combat the bleakness, I hereby post PINK. Isn't God good to give us color?

A Visit to a Poinsettia Palace

Last week Nathaniel, Tatiana and Amy had dental appointments. On our way home, we passed the largest nursery in town. Since I love, love, love taking photos of flowers, we stopped in to see what sort of pictures I could capture of the plant which is most closely associated with Christmas: the poinsettia. This poinsettia palace gave me countless photo ops. I hope to have a "Poinsettia Parade" each week as Christmas draws nearer. My goal is to bring some colorful cheer to your holiday.

We found hundreds of the plants in a variety of sizes and a rainbow of colors.

On my "Poinsettia Parade" this week is a rich red plant with gold glitter gracing the leaves.

We left the building amazed that so many hundreds of poinsettia's could be housed in one room (under three roofs).

Sunflowers Follow Sunshine

Today I had the privlege of taking some senior photos for "Sunshine" Nordstrom. Before I put the camera away, I took a few pictures in the fields surrounding our home where the sunflowers are hailing the close of summer.

O, how I love the endless number of ways in which creation points to a glorious Creator!